Saturday, 24 June 2017

A Year of Stupid

A year ago today, we Brits awoke to hear the results of the big referendum. And 48% of us were mighty disappointed to hear that 51% of the population were indeed, as feared, Stupid. The campaigners for Stupid had worked tirelessly for 40 years for this and credit must be given where it is due. To induce 17,000,000 people into a state of oblivious stupidity is quite the task, but they succeeded. The big question – is Stupid a viable economic and social policy that will help take this country forward? We’ll see, I guess. But much has happended since then. Let’s bring you up to date with how this is all working out for us.

Within a few hours, David Cameron, who had promised to see the result through as PM no matter which way the vote went, resigned. He was Stupid enough to fornicate with a pig in his younger days, but decided that this level of Stupid was beyond him. The Tory party decided to replace him with Theresa May’s Strong and Stable Stupid, rather than Boris ‘Insanely Stupid’ Johnson. Within 72 hours, the chiefs of the Stupid campaign decided to admit that most of their pre-referendum claims, promises and strategies – all of which looked pretty stupid on the paper – were indeed completely stupid and would not be implemented. They pointed out, quite correctly, that anyone believing any of this nonsense in the first place must be pretty stupid. So no harm done.

Theresa May spent ten months swearing blind she would not hold a general election. And then held a general election. And why not? The polls indicated that Stupid was at record levels. Alas, it transpired that much of the population was now not only Stupid but also Confused. Did they want Hard Stupid or Soft Stupid? Did they even want Stupid anymore at all? Perhaps Confused is a better way forward? May has taken most of the blame for the failure of Stupid at the ballot box. She essentially declared that Corbyn was a terrorist sympathiser who would form a coalition of chaos. And then disappeared from view for the rest of the campaign. She was last seen at Buckingham Palace informing the Queen that she would be forming a coalition of chaos with some terrorist sympathisers from Northern Ireland. Still, Boris has seen the opening and is hard at work promoting Insanely Stupid at every opportunity. He may yet get his chance…

Elections on the continent have seen Stupid roundly rejected. Gert Wilders and Marine Le Pen both offered their own brand of Stupid but failed to convince their respective nations. This has strengthened the EU’s hand at Britain’s Stupid negotiations considerably. David Davis, charged by May to lead Britain’s plunge into Stupid, has tried to put forward his case to the EU. But the response so far has been, “No. That’s is just Stupid. We don’t do Stupid over here”. Confronted with EU Sanity, Davis has so far buckled every time.

So a year on from the vote, that is where we’re at. Confused and Stupid. The fringe campaigners like Nigel Farage, the Daily Mail and Express and Katie ‘Al Jazeera’ Hopkins have predictably drifted away from ‘We hate Europe’ to their new pet project , ‘We hate Islam’. And the 48% of us who preferred EU Sanity to UK Stupid are all left wondering where and when the madness will all end.